the CHEEK of it

She is a 54 year old with a tighter-than-a-drum body and thighs like carved marble. Rock hard. Could crack walnuts, that sort of thing.

Probably like sitting on two concrete chunks, if you ever got close enough to try it.

And Madonna is proud of that pert bottom too. So I’m stating the obvious by listing her in womenILOVE.

She is supremely clever and I admire her determination and focus on keeping relevant. That must be an exhausting 24/7 gig in the Ciccone household.

Let’s not forget she was able to generate publicity for herself everywhere before social media was even a vague concept.

Hell, if I had a butt like that (hello 1990) maybe I’d be getting it out too. Don’t worry, it’s only a hollow threat. I have friends with peachy posteriors and I’m pleased for them. Really, I am.

It’s churlish/a barefaced lie to say you don’t like to admire a nicely-shaped behind because it’s a key area to ‘drop’ once the birthdays start to pile up. And there ain’t that many smokin’ hot butts out there.

But the problem is Madonna’s weapon of shock and awe is not shocking like it used to.

Not flabby – I’d never say that. That’s an awesome bod. Goodness knows she has spent a lifetime funding a forensic diet and exercise regime to stop the deadly dimple invasion. You would not want to be a fat cell in her ecosystem.

I’m just bored with seeing her bum cheeks, poking out as they were AGAIN at the Met Gala last night in (my old manor) NYC. The theme was Punk: Chaos to Couture. A bit of grunge and a lot of label. Invites are of the sell-your-kidney variety so no one dares to chuck on any old thing, even if it looks that way as they giddy up the red carpet.

Madonna’s outfit has been ripped to shreds by fashion folk worldwide so you can fill your boots with plenty of waspish remarks. Like many women, I love to examine her outfits and by the way, despite the No Pants Look, I kinda liked the Uma Thurman-style inky wig.

Britain’s Daily Telegraph provided this tongue-in-cheek analysis  (see it here with extra fab Madge fighnet shots )

Included is this clever observation by writer Belinda White: She boldly opted to make like a Parisian burlesque dancer, layering fishnet hold-ups under fishnet tights, under aforementioned ripped wispy fishnet body-stocking, giving the world an eyeful of her under-crackers, and their notorious contents.”


Notorious indeed. Dear Madonna: I look forward to your new shocks.






  1. Melanie Cantor

    Sadly, the wig is more Hilary Devey (ex Dragon’s Den for non Beeb watchers) than Uma Thurman. You tell her Lou. It’s time to put those cheeks away. Shame on her and every non ripple of her hot damn awesome body x

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